I’m pretty certain my husband came out of the womb delegating. He’s a natural, I believe it’s a key to his success in business. A team of people unified will always get more done than one single individual. He’s a visionary, he’s kind and he has integrity – when he does ask you to come on board with him, it’s hard to say no. His passion and optimism are contagious.

Now I on the other hand am a 2 on the enneagram, I LOVE helping people. Especially if I love you and you treat me well, I will stop everything and help without taking a second thought.

These things probably sound really great and are probably what make our marriage work so great, right? Well…yes and no. In the beginning, Alex would delegate to me, ask me for help here and there, give me task, etc. Because I love him and I’m a natural helper I always said yes without a second thought. But eventually my plate became overly full, I was a mom, a foster mom, a worship leader, a coffee shop owner and I was getting burnt out. At this point, he would ask to do something – I’d say yes without missing a beat and then find myself in the thick of all the busyness and being annoyed that he had added one more thing to my to do list.

There are a couple of problems here: I didn’t have good boundaries in place. I didn’t communicate my needs/wants. I was annoyed because I expected him to magically know my limits without me voicing them. And if I had allowed myself to keep being annoyed, I would have become passive aggressive – which is not an option for me.

So I had to learn how to communicate what I was feeling, it wasn’t that he didn’t care about what I was doing. He assumed that if I couldn’t or didn’t want to do it, I would just say no. I had to tell him that sometimes I felt like an employee instead of his wife and that I needed him to ask me less and he did.
Oh, did I also mention his love language is Acts of Service? 

That being said, I will never stop helping. It’s who I am and how he feels loved. But now we clearly communicate what we can and can’t do for each other. We are human and we have limits. (Shocker…I know) ?‍♀️

This weekend Alex had a retreat for his company, he asked me host a couple dinners, cater some lunches and rent some chairs. It’s a slower season for me so I was able to say yes to most of the things but cooking for 20 people is where I had to draw the line. I found some great catering options in town that everyone was happy with. I was able to voice my boundaries and help him at the same time. I was not overburdened or burnt out and was able to do everything that needed to be done.

It seems like it always comes down to boundaries. We all need them. If you haven’t read the book, I highly recommend it.